Hopkin Bros. Fun-neral Home
Two undertakers who want to put the fun back into funerals. Sounds a good idea, but outrage is growing amongst the swelling numbers of dissatisfied customers.
Bryce & Francis's Top 5 Fun-neral Tips
- Serve alcohol before hand. You'll get much bigger laughs if everyone is a bit "sauced"
- Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Conversely: prop comedy is the highest. Use it relentlessly!
- If you're in a small chapel, you can leave the body outside. It's not like they're going to appreciate the jokes anyway.
- Pick someone with an obvious physical weirdness and rip into them in a really funny way at the start. It will warm the crowd then the rest of your jokes will "kill". Pun intended!
- If you're single, widows are basically anyone's. First in best-dressed boys!
Modern Day Noah
After receiving a message from God in his spaghetti, Wayne Foster sets about building an ark with some help from his Gran.
Grounded For Life
Still grounded for being naughty after 15 years, because his comatose father hasn’t told him otherwise, we get a sad insight into a dull man’s dull life.
Petition to Save Glen Linford
After our story went to air on Tuesday night, a concerned viewer decided to start a petition to end Glen Linford's grounding punishment.
You can sign the petition at www.saveglen.com.
Glen's Top 5 Favourite Things (in his house)
- My Computer: it allows me to have long chats with my dad on the WebCam. I do most of the talking, but he's angry with me so I don't blame him for not chatting back. I also download pictures of Axle Whitehead (he gets up to some pretty crazy things on Video Hits… what a cool dude).
- My 'I Went To The Big Pineapple and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt' T-Shirt: I never went to the Big Pineapple (being grounded), but Mum went and she brought it back for me and now when I wear it, it feels like I went to the Big Pineapple. Sometimes I trick people.
- My SEGA Master System II: I've clocked Alex Kidd one hundred and twenty seven thousand, two hundred and fifty six times, which is cool but I would like to get a new game soon though. I'm only allowed to play on weekends because Mum reckons that if you play computer games all the time, you don't get a chance to get out and see the real world.
- Food: Cause without out it, I would be really really hungry (ha ha). Just joking, Mum and I always joke.
- My Car: It's in great condition. Since I got it 9 years ago, it has only done 11 km (up and down the driveway). The wheels aren't even worn on the sides because it hasn't done any corners. I wish I didn't spill my MILO on the front seat.
A Day In The Life Of Glen Linford
- 8am: Rise and shine. Mum says it's important to get up and make the most of your day. Otherwise, you'll get old one day and you'll realise you've done nothing with your life.
- 8.13am: Every morning I time myself to have my shower, have breakfast and brushed my teeth. My personal best is 13 mins, but that required Mum crushing my Weat-Bix while I dried myself. One time I ate the Weat-Bix so fast that they came out my nose.
- 8.30am: Just hang out, play a bit of Alex Kidd on the Master System if it's a weekend.
- 10am: Still hanging out.
- 12.30pm: LUNCH TIME. Everyday, Mum will call out 'Do you know what time it is?' and I'll yell out, 'LUNCH TIME!' and she normally joins me in yelling 'TIME!' but she'll never yell 'LUNCH' cause that's mine to yell.
- 1pm: Chat to Dad. This can go for hours if I've had an exciting day. Like the time I cut out every word from the newspaper and then arranged all the words in alphabetical order and Mum saw so if you don't believe me ask her.
- 3.30pm: Hang out.
- 4pm: Mum says I can make a phone call once a week. I don't really have anyone to call so sometimes I call her mobile phone and we chat. Other times, I'll call the Time Guy and make sure all the clocks in the house are right on time. I think the microwave clock gains a second every three days.
- 7pm: DINNER TIME. Everyday, Mum will call out 'Do you know what time it is?' and I'll yell out, 'DINNER TIME!'. One time I accidentally yelled out 'LUNCH TIME' instead of 'DINNER TIME' and me and Mum laughed for, like, four or five days.
- 7.30pm: Dry the dishes. I hate drying the dishes.
- 8pm: Watch TV, especially LOST when it's on. How bad would it be to be trapped on an island like that, not knowing when you are going to get out?
- 10pm: Night everyone, can't wait for tomorrow.
It’s the same old story – every year after graduation police recruits run amuck on the Gold Coast. Guns, alcohol and sex – shocking.
Network TEN - Sunday Nights After Rove on Network Ten.